幽默.小笑话：You Know You're Asian If...

2007-07-29

1. Your mother has a short-haired, curly perm
2. Your dad is some sort of engineer
3. Your parents still tried to get you into places half-price saying you were 12 when you were really 15
4. You ask your parents to help on one math problem and 2 hours later, they're still lecturing
5. You have a 40 lb. bag of rice in your pantry
6. At sometime in your life you've felt short
7. Everyone thinks you're "Chinese", no matter what part of Asia your ancestors were from
8. You've had a bowl haircut at one point in your life
9. You always hear how great so-and-so's son or daughter is
10. You've had to sit through karaoke videos with scantily clad, ugly Asian women attempting to dance and walk around a temple, forest, or library
11. Your parent's say, "Don't forget your heritage"
12. You drive mostly Japanese cars
13. You've learned to keep bargaining even if the prices are rock bottom
14. You've had to eat parts of animals they don't even put in hot dogs
15. At least once, you've started a joke with, "Confucius said..."
16. You know what bok choy is
17. You've ever gotten little red envelopes around February...
18. Piles of shoes tend to make it hard to open the front, back, and closet doors
19. You hear your name plus eee (optional) plus ya! everytime someone calls you (ex. Jean-ee-yah or Mary-yah)
20. You have NO eyelashes
21. Idiot people try to impress you with pathetic imitation Asian languages like the ever-so-popular: "ching chong woo bok chi, etc..."
22. Carry at least 1000 of pictures with you wherever you go; pictures of only Asians
23. The bio lectures on marine life (seaweed, sea cucumbers, octopi) was last night's dinner
24. Your ancestors 1000 generations back invented the back scratcher
25. At least one family member wears black wire/plastic frame glasses
26. Your parents hover over your tired, caffeine-drugged body at 12 midnight to say, "In China (or other native country), we studied even more"
27. Your parents expect you'll be best friends with anyone off the street in any given area as long as they are Asian
28. An Asian woman comes on campus and people ask: "Is that your mother? Well, then, is it your sister?"
29. Your relatives' houses smell like incense, mothballs, or both
30. Your parents say, "Calculus!? I took calculus in 8th grade!!"
31. Everyone thinks you're good at math, except your parents who think you're slow
32. Your parents' vocabulary is filled with "Ai-yahs and Wah's"
33. You like $1.75 movies
34. You like $1.50 movies even more
35. Your aunts and uncles bring you back adorable clothing from Asia with fuzzy bunnies, vinyl ducks, and English words that make no sense, in great colors like yellow, pink, magenta, orange, and the ever popular lime green
36. Your parents insist you marry within your race
37. You never order chop suey, sweet and sour pork, or any other imitation oriental food.
38. You either really, really want to go to UC or really, really want to stay away from it
39. Your parents have never kissed you
40. Your parents have never kissed each other
41. You learned about the birds and the bees from someone other than your parents.
42. You hear: "You want a stereo!? When I was your age, I didn't even have shoes!!"
43. People see a bunch of scribbles on a chopstick and asks you to translate
44. You have to call just about all your parent's friends "Auntie and Uncle"
45. You have 12+ aunts and uncles
46. At expensive restaurants, you order a delicious glass of water for your beverage and NEVER order dessert
47. Your parents simply cut the green/black part off the bread and say "See? Still good. Eat."
48. The vast majority of the people related to you wear glasses, thick glasses
49. You will most likely be taller than your parents
50. Your parents have either made you play the piano, violin, or both
51. You get nothing if you do well in school, but crapped on if you don't
52. When going to other people's houses, you always have to bring a gift
53. Your dad still pulls his socks up to his knees, you know, the ones with the blue and pink strips at the top
54. Your family owns a tennis racquet, golf clubs, or both
55. Your family always cheers for the Asian athlete on TV
56. The furniture in your house never matches the wallpaper, the carpet, the decorations, or any of the rest of the furniture
57. You have rocks, sticks, leaves, and strange smelling unknown substances in your pantry used as medicine
58. You own a rice cooker or two
59. You buy soy sauce by the gallon
60. Your family owns butcher knives bigger than your head
61. Your parents tell you about how long it took for them to get to school, how horrible the weather was in their native country, and how much they still appreciated going
62. Your parents buy you clothes and shoes many sizes too big so you can "grow into it" and wear it for "years to come"
63. Your head burns in the summertime
64. You hate to spend more than $5 for lunch
65. You look 8 years younger than you really are
66. You love coupons
67. Your hair sticks up when you wake up
68. You love to argue
69. Your vision is worse than 20/500
70. If you lose a dollar, you mope around more than 5 minutes
71. Someone in your family owns a restaurant
72. Your parents love to go to yard-sales
73. You can't bear throwing things away
74. You speak "Chinglish" which is 40% Chinese, 40% English, and 20% grunts
75. Your parents want to live with you when you get old
76. You love Jackie Chan
77. Your parents never turn on the heater during the winter and tell you just to wear more clothes
78. You're scared to dance
79. You eat rice everyday
80. Your fridge stinks
81. Your parents are scary when they play mah-jong
82. You eat at places with free-refills
83. You did or you still slick your hair back
84. Your mom takes the napkins, ketchup packs, and airline peanuts home after a trip
86. You say "Aiya!" frequently.